It’s been a while I know, confusing and weird at times but here it goes again. I restructured, rewritten this blog so often, I still don’t know what the focus is and where I want it to go. I do know I love to write deep down it is one of my greatest fears. My life is what I have made of it at the time, I constantly changing paths and fear has led me down a path of a dead-end.
Traveling has filled me, I was content, having just enough to cover my expenses and travel. Life was good until like everything else, that changed. I decided to become more independent, well that’s just the tip of the iceberg, I left home (i.e. my safety net) into the world I went thinking it was time. Well life had other plans. Life sure knows how to give you a kick in the behind when you are not pushing forward.
I am back at school, something I do often, but this time it is like visiting an old friend that I abandoned long ago. I loved so much of this career but fear lead me on another path. Why do I have so much fear? Others say I am smart and ready to take over, I just see me. A girl who thinks everything over so much, and anticipates every potential outcome to the point of just talking myself out of it, and who can’t ask for help because well rejection is a distasteful feeling.
Getting a driver’s license, high school graduation, and college graduation, these are events that lead one to be an adult, but I did not really experience that adult epiphany. My holy crap moment, I am an active part of society, was when I signed the papers for my over priced truck. I had the money for the down payment and my credit was good so no co- signer. This insane decision, made me step out of my comfort zone. It was clear that this will be on me, if I mess up or keep up, this is no one’s life but my own.
I can’t say I know where I’m going but I do know I have ambition and when in the right space I thrive. I am slowly shedding fear, weight, and negative energy. This is me.